This summer I will travel 3,000 miles across the country and four decades back in time for my 40-year high school reunion. In the past few weeks since the date was announced my phone has been blowing up - Friend requests from former homecoming queens who are now grandmas (eek!); ‘80s nostalgia memes and Gen X GIFs; shared Spotify playlists (so much Journey!); Throwback Thursday prom pix and messages and comments from classmates calling me by my high school nickname: “Spaz.”
In the fall of 1979, when I entered 9th grade, calling someone (me) “Spaz” was not considered bullying. Nor would it get a student suspended or an artist canceled. On the contrary, during my high school years “Spaz” and dorks in general were having a moment. On Saturday Night Live, Bill Murray and Gilda Radner played nerd couple Lisa Loopner and Todd DiLaMuca for three seasons with an occasional guest appearance by Steve Martin as “Chaz the Spaz.” The hit summer-camp comedy Meatballs featured a counselor named Spaz (Jack Blum). SJP played the adorkable Patty (!!!) on the TV show Square Pegs and a year later Revenge of the Nerds hit the big screen.
So when I was anointed Spaz my freshman year, I laughed along, happy not to be invisible. In fact, I leaned into the moniker - the nickname became my identity. I should note that I was not (and am not) a person with a disability. I was just a really gawky teen in the midst of an awkward pubescent growth spurt. I bounced around campus, my disproportionately long, skinny arms flapping chaotically like one of those inflatable men outside a car dealership. One of the youngest in my grade, I still had braces, a training bra and a guileless enthusiasm that was underappreciated by the too-cool-for-school girls who smoked in the bathroom and threatened to flush my hair down the toilet (a “swirlie.”) Since I was clearly too geeky to be a cheerleader, I tried out to be the school mascot and won. I proudly wore my Miner costume on game days and took home the “Best Mascot” trophy at the league championships defeating the Placer Hillman, the Roseville Tiger, and the Elk Grove Thundering Herd! I earned my varsity letter in Badminton, the ideal lightweight sport for a nerd like me with its wispy rackets and feathered shuttlecocks. I landed a part as a “Screaming Teen” in the school play, Bye Bye Birdie, where I played a slightly exaggerated version of myself. My best buddy and prom date Steve “Bunns'' Bunnell and I branded ourselves “Spaz ‘n Bunns” (precursor to Bennifer or Brangelina) and when I ran for class president senior year, my campaign slogan was SPAZ for PREZ.
Forty years later, I cringe as I reflect on this derogatory sobriquet, wondering how we tossed around an ableist slur so casually. Feels like a Sixteen Candles situation - fun and funny then; horrifying and offensive now. In December, The New York Times published a reader quiz called “You Can’t Say That (Or Can You?)” A whopping 72% of respondents said they would not use the word Spaz. And last summer Beyoncé and Lizzo made headlines when they each removed Spaz from their songs calling it a “harmful" word.” Nevertheless, my nickname persists.
As the reunion approaches, I ask myself WWJD? (No, not Jesus…Janet Jackson!) I'm pretty sure she’d tell her classmates, “No, my first name ain't Spaz. It's Patty... Ms. Nasey, if you're nasty.” So on August 12 (and in the intervening days) that’s what I'll do. And it’s about damn time.
